Christmas
by I Can Kill You With My Brain
Summary: This is me, just being an evil person. You're going to hate me. Please, no mean reviews. My inner evil is sensitive.


**Birthday Party**

Harry smiled and laughed as Hermione recounted her time spent skiing with her parents several days ago.

The Great Hall of Hogwarts was filled with laughter and cheer as the students came back together after a long winter holiday of festivities and presents.

Suddenly, the door creaked open, causing heads to turn.

Standing in the doorway was none other than the Dark Lord himself, Lord Voldemort. No one moved. Dumbledore froze, a forkful of mashed potatoes halfway to his mouth. Next to him, Severus Snape desperately tried to figure out if he should slit the old geezer's throat or bow. Or maybe he should shriek at the top of his lungs and pretend to faint, causing havoc? Hopefully in the ensuing rush, Potter would get trampled. Oh the possibilities…..

Before anyone could move, Voldemort started waling towards Harry. Everyone shrunk away, and some of the braver students made a mad dash to the doors.

Stopping in front of Harry, Lord Voldemort pulled out a large silver package from inside his cloak and held it out awkwardly.

Harry blinked.

"Sorry it was late, I do have appearances to keep up," said Voldemort, trying his best to sound disdainful. Harry reached out and hesitantly took the package.

"What is it?" he asked warily, gingerly holding the package with the tips of his fingers.

"A deadly poison," said Voldemort with an evil laugh. "One drop and the recipient dies a horrible death."

"Awesome," breathed Harry, not noticing how everyone had suddenly scooted down as far away from him as they could. "Can I use this on Snape?" Snape dropped his glass.

That was it. He was going to choke the little git to death.

Lord Voldemort nodded, shuffling his feet.

"Should I kill you now?" he asked hopefully. Snape frowned, torn. On one hand, it was a good thing that Potter was going to die. But on the other, he wanted to be the one to do the killing. Maybe he should offer as a show of loyalty?

Harry shook his head.

"Actually, I was hoping you wouldn't. I mean, it is Christmas. Or at least close to it. I also think it would be more satisfying and dramatic if you killed me in a graveyard surrounded by your demonic followers."

"That's true," mused Voldemort. "You can't argue with a good old-fashioned evil graveyard killing. Besides, you have exams coming up soon. And I would hate people saying that I only won because you were uneducated."

Harry blanched. "Maybe you could kill me," he said hopefully. "I mean, I _am_ the Boy-Who-Lived."

Voldemort nodded and pulled out his calendar.

"Tomorrow is pretty light, just a spot of torture and a few murders."

Harry shook his head.

"No, tomorrow I have Quidditch practice. But the day after that will work." Voldemort nodded.

"I can do that." He put away his calendar. "Deal?" he asked, offering his hand. Harry shook his head again.

"No, it will ruin the whole 'we-are-mortal-enemies thing. And also, it'll burn your hand. And I can't drive, so I can't get you to the hospital, because you can't apparate in Hogwarts."

Voldemort frowned. "I didn't know that."

"Hermione's told me hundreds of times. She never shuts up about it."

"Sucks for you. So, graveyard day after next? I would write your will if I were you. And can I have your wand? It would look good in my collection of wands that I've taken from people that I've killed."

Harry nodded. "'kay. But you can just steal my wand. Makes you look even eviler." He turned towards the teacher's table.

"I can't turn in my homework!" He yelled. "I'm going to be dead!"

That was Potter for you, Snape thought bitterly. Always making excuses.

Voldemort nodded, waved goodbye to Harry, and walked out. Harry turned back around and continued eating his treacle tart.

"Nice bloke," he mumbled. "Don't know why Snape's his right hand man, he could do so much better."

"Strangling it is," muttered Snape. Dumbledore turned to look at him, frowning.

"What did you say?" Snape rolled his eyes. The old man was losing his hearing. It would be a mercy killing that one would.

"I said, we should throw Potter a surprise party," he snapped. Dumbledore nodded.

"You're such a nice person Severus," he said.

Snape went back to measuring Potter's neck for a noose.

"Just you wait," he mumbled. "I'll show you nice person."


End file.
